When I was twelve years old, I never thought that I would ever study in a university. But now I am writing this story as a PhD student at Peking University. What was it that changed me? Let me tell you my story.
When I was in the sixth-grade of my primary school, I looked and acted like a hooligan. I never listened to the teachers during class, and I never did any homework. Most of the time I just played with my so-called “brothers” who didn’t study anymore either. Each day I would come home and have lunch with my parents, and then they would return to their work. Usually, after my parents left, my friends would call out to me saying, “Lao Fu,” which means “Mr. Fu” in English. And then I would leave the house and go out with my friends and play cards or just “goof off.” Without a nap during lunch time, we all dozed during our afternoon classes. The result was that my “brothers” and I rarely passed exams. Needless to say, we were failing in school.
One day, after several months of this behavior, I was surprised that my dad didn’t return to work after lunch as usual. “Oh no!” I thought to myself. “What will I do if my hooligan ‘brothers’ came to call me out?” I was so worried and hoped the time would fly quickly. Everything was going well until I suddenly heard the words, “Lao Fu, Lao Fu, Lao Fu.” I thought I was going to die. What’s more, my father thought that someone was calling for him, so he said to me “Go and see who they are.” So, I hurried to the window and put my finger to my lips to signal them to be quiet. They seemed to understand my meaning and didn’t shout anymore. So, I said to my dad, “Dad, there was no one calling you, maybe you didn’t hear it correctly.” It looked like my dad believed what I said and went to his room for a short afternoon nap instead of returning to work. As soon as he was in his room, I went outside and played cards with my friends. But I didn’t notice that my dad saw everything from his bedroom window.
After playing with my “brothers,” we all went to class and dozed off as usual. After coming home later in the day, my father asked, “What did you do before your afternoon classes? I lied to him and said, “I went to school to study”. But my dad said, “I know that’s not true. You didn’t go to school, but you played cards with your friends.” I was caught in a terrible lie, and my dad proceeded to scold me saying, “Your friends aren’t real friends, and besides, they look like hooligans. They can’t help you anymore, but only lead you into trouble. You shouldn’t go out to play with them. At your age, you must study hard. If you don’t study, you will become a rogue. What you do now is for yourself and for your future.” I thought deeply about what my father had said and realized that I couldn’t behave like that any longer.
After that, I never again went out to play with my “brothers,” and I started to study hard as if I had awakened from a deep sleep. My father has always impacted my life, and this experience when I was very young changed me from a hooligan to a boy with big dreams. I came to understand that what most parents do is always for their children’s good. I learned to trust the wisdom of my parents, knowing that if I didn’t I would regret it in the future. I learned the saying that, “A man is known by the company he keeps,” because people are influenced by the friends they have. I learned to be cautious when making new friends, because having good friends is important for me. I now realize that this single experience, at just the right time, changed my life forever.
Additional Comments – What a timely experience my former student had, and how blessed he was to honestly evaluate his behavior, and then heed his father’s advice to stay away from his “so-called” friends.
There is a story in the Old Testament about a son who did not heed his father’s advice, nor the advice of his older and wiser counselors. I’m speaking of King Solomon’s son, Rehoboam. During Solomon’s reign, the people were taxed heavily so that the Temple in Jerusalem could be built. The best of gold, silver, and other costly materials were imported from far away in order to adorn the Temple. People said that they could see the Temple glistening in the sunlight on Mount Zion all the way from the Mediterranean Sea, over 35 miles to the west.
Once the Temple was completed, the people were hoping for a reduction in the taxes being imposed upon them. Rehoboam consulted both the older counselors from his father’s reign, as well as his friends with whom he had surrounded himself. In short, the older and wiser counselors told Rehoboam to “ease the burden” while Rehoboam’s friends (his counselors) told him to increase the burden so that they could live even more lavishly. Rehoboam took the advice of his friends and increased the taxes, which, as you might have expected, led to disaster. The twelve tribes that Saul, David, and Solomon had united was now divided, with ten of the tribes to the north (Israel) seceding from the union under the leadership of Jeroboam, leaving Rehoboam with only two tribes in the south (Judah). You can read the story for yourself in 2 Chronicles 10.
Rehoboam, as a young man, did not follow his father’s advice. Here is what his father, King Solomon, wrote, “He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will suffer harm” (Proverbs 13:20). And here is what Paul wrote to the Christians in Corinth: “Do not be deceived, bad company will corrupt good morals” (1 Cor. 15:33). Or, as my student’s father would have said, “Keeping bad company will turn you into a hooligan!”
As every adult knows, choosing your friends wisely is a critical part of childhood. Choosing “good” friends will help to keep you on the right path that God has for you. Being led off that path is usually the result of the influence of poorly chosen friends. Like my former student, if you have such friends, stop “hanging out” with them. While the Lord calls us to “love everyone,” just as He does, this does not mean we need to “follow along” with them. You can be kind to them and just say “no” if they are trying to persuade you to follow on their own destructive path. Better to not get off the path that God has for you rather than to try and get back on it after heading down the wrong path. The sad truth is, you may never return, and it’s only by God’s grace that some do.
Finally, here is King David’s advice for all of us, “How blessed is the person who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, nor stand in the path of sinners, nor sit in the seat of scoffers! But his delight is in the way of the LORD, upon which he meditates day and night” (Psalms 1:1-2).
